Gratitude and appreciation. Are they really such tough lessons to learn? Some people just never do, it is as if the world owes it to them. And I really want to have nothing to do with the likes of them.
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Anyway, I've decided, or rather, almost made up my mind to pursue my dream. My dream to make a difference in the lives of others, to never live my life like any Tom, Dick or Harry can. I hope it is the right thing to do, that it is all for the best.
God, please help me. Amen.
Wednesday, 3 August 2011
Sunday, 31 July 2011
The Memory Keeper's Daughter
Just finished reading my book, The Memory Keeper's Daughter. It was about a doctor who delievered his own twins, only to find that his daughter had Down Syndrome. He made a decision to give her away and the story continues with how that one decision changed his life, his marriage and family forever.
To put it simply, the book was great. Not much was written about the special needs, like I would have liked it to be, but it was simply a book about love and life. It is real, or at least I could relate to it really well, how people can change, and even love can change. It was painful to read, not my pain, but the character's pain. The author illustrated that really well.
All that loss, that helplessness, of life that followed a secret kept, a decision made, and of all that couldn't be changed until that very person died. I believe he died with deep regret. The hurt that followed after the secret was discovered, the understanding that his family tried so hard to show to him. I find this all very captivating.
I love reading for this very reason. For all that words can do to illustrate something you probably wouldn't be able to feel if you lacked that experience. Reading takes me to another world, and I love it. More books to be read, those I bought in Boston. Can't wait.
Baby, I hope what happens in this book never happens to us. At that point I suddenly thought of you, and I truly hope such pain will never follow us. I can't think too far into the future, can't promise for whatever is yet to come. Let's just pray and hope for the best I guess.
I love you.
To put it simply, the book was great. Not much was written about the special needs, like I would have liked it to be, but it was simply a book about love and life. It is real, or at least I could relate to it really well, how people can change, and even love can change. It was painful to read, not my pain, but the character's pain. The author illustrated that really well.
All that loss, that helplessness, of life that followed a secret kept, a decision made, and of all that couldn't be changed until that very person died. I believe he died with deep regret. The hurt that followed after the secret was discovered, the understanding that his family tried so hard to show to him. I find this all very captivating.
I love reading for this very reason. For all that words can do to illustrate something you probably wouldn't be able to feel if you lacked that experience. Reading takes me to another world, and I love it. More books to be read, those I bought in Boston. Can't wait.
Baby, I hope what happens in this book never happens to us. At that point I suddenly thought of you, and I truly hope such pain will never follow us. I can't think too far into the future, can't promise for whatever is yet to come. Let's just pray and hope for the best I guess.
I love you.
Saturday, 30 July 2011
Evolution
Read an email yesterday, and this word popped up in my mind: Evolution. Evolution happens all around us, all the time, whether seen or unseen by others or ourselves. The email struck me and I suddenly realized how much I've evolved from the person I was five years ago. Five years doesn't really seem that long, but what can be seen is the evolution in each individual.
I'm no longer the person I was back then. I used to spend hours folding cranes, stars and hearts for people, fill them up in a big box and give them as gifts. I used to write letter after letter to people, trying my hardest to express myself, trying my hardest to salvage whatever there is to salvage. I used to sit around doing nothing but think and think too much about a single situation, a single person. I have lost all of that.
Some people may see that as bad, I really don't know. But I, on the other hand, see that as a good thing. I no longer give such gifts, cos even though I put all my heart into doing it, people generally don't appreciate such gifts. I was one of those people. Letters are no longer that much of something I do, cos I realized some people just don't appreciate it. Worse still, they may not even read it. I no longer sit around thinking too much, cos I realized that thinking too much doesn't solve any problems.
I guess I have learnt to let go, to be kinder to myself. Maybe less compassionate too. I haven't lost it, compassion is still in me. But I no longer waste it on people who obviously do not appreciate or need it. I realized how stuck he was in the past, while I've moved on so much in life. Filled with regrets, that's a place I never want to go to. That's why I always remind myself to try and try again, to do my best so that I never have cause for regrets.
I tried to free him, and hopefully he will never have a need to look back again. The world continuously moves forward and changes, too quickly sometimes. That's why we should never look back, or we'd never catch up.
It's funny, really, how we're all born into this world, being our very own person, with our own personality, be it nature or nurture, our own temperaments and attitudes. But with each experience, it changes us a little, into that same person, but with something innate that changes forever. We all grow, and time never waits for us. Even though we may not realize that change until maybe a while later.
I celebrate his change, cos with his regret, I guess he will, in time, learn to treasure things and people around him. Or at least that is what I hope for him. May our changes all make us better people in this world.
I'm no longer the person I was back then. I used to spend hours folding cranes, stars and hearts for people, fill them up in a big box and give them as gifts. I used to write letter after letter to people, trying my hardest to express myself, trying my hardest to salvage whatever there is to salvage. I used to sit around doing nothing but think and think too much about a single situation, a single person. I have lost all of that.
Some people may see that as bad, I really don't know. But I, on the other hand, see that as a good thing. I no longer give such gifts, cos even though I put all my heart into doing it, people generally don't appreciate such gifts. I was one of those people. Letters are no longer that much of something I do, cos I realized some people just don't appreciate it. Worse still, they may not even read it. I no longer sit around thinking too much, cos I realized that thinking too much doesn't solve any problems.
I guess I have learnt to let go, to be kinder to myself. Maybe less compassionate too. I haven't lost it, compassion is still in me. But I no longer waste it on people who obviously do not appreciate or need it. I realized how stuck he was in the past, while I've moved on so much in life. Filled with regrets, that's a place I never want to go to. That's why I always remind myself to try and try again, to do my best so that I never have cause for regrets.
I tried to free him, and hopefully he will never have a need to look back again. The world continuously moves forward and changes, too quickly sometimes. That's why we should never look back, or we'd never catch up.
It's funny, really, how we're all born into this world, being our very own person, with our own personality, be it nature or nurture, our own temperaments and attitudes. But with each experience, it changes us a little, into that same person, but with something innate that changes forever. We all grow, and time never waits for us. Even though we may not realize that change until maybe a while later.
I celebrate his change, cos with his regret, I guess he will, in time, learn to treasure things and people around him. Or at least that is what I hope for him. May our changes all make us better people in this world.
This is me
"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
-Marilyn Monroe
-Marilyn Monroe
Friday, 29 July 2011
Life's little tales
A mother passing by her daughter's room was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom". With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice -- even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard and his motorcycle clothes. But it is not only the passion Mom, I am pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the mean time, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
(:
Haha laughed my ass off at this. How true, isn't it? The message, to me, is clear. Treasure whatever you have, cos things could be far worse. This may be a funny, or ridiculous story to others, but it is one of life's simplest lessons, yet toughest to do. I hope that one day, I'll learn to appreciate everything and everyone around me for all they're worth.
Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice -- even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard and his motorcycle clothes. But it is not only the passion Mom, I am pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the mean time, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
(:
Haha laughed my ass off at this. How true, isn't it? The message, to me, is clear. Treasure whatever you have, cos things could be far worse. This may be a funny, or ridiculous story to others, but it is one of life's simplest lessons, yet toughest to do. I hope that one day, I'll learn to appreciate everything and everyone around me for all they're worth.
Wednesday, 27 July 2011
Just my wishful thinking
I always thought that when you don't like something, you wouldn't want to do it to others. I personally fail this, though I try to keep to it as much as I can. But I guess it isn't the case, people are selfish after all.
I guess for a change, I am feeling what you felt, while you're feeling what I did. And I will learn to keep my mouth shut, only because it was my own doing in the first place. Expectations are wrong, cos they disappoint. I've forgotten that somehow, though I always knew that.
Maybe it's time to re-learn it again.
I guess for a change, I am feeling what you felt, while you're feeling what I did. And I will learn to keep my mouth shut, only because it was my own doing in the first place. Expectations are wrong, cos they disappoint. I've forgotten that somehow, though I always knew that.
Maybe it's time to re-learn it again.
Monday, 25 July 2011
Starting over
Horrible livejournal decided not to work at all so I give up, I'm starting here. That's exactly why I hate blogging. It's too much of a hassle.
Today flew by with me doing nothing and constantly waiting for EvilBaby to be done with class and whatnots. Irritating, the evil boy disappeared on me for three hours. Honestly pissed. But well, I guess I did the same so I shall not complain. If you're indirectly taking revenge, Baby, pls stop being evil, it is not funny at all.
I decided that I don't like it. Hate the idea of you being so far away. But I guess I can only take it all in and wait it out like constipation. Pfft! And the pig cheated me. He deleted his entire blog, or kept it in some secret place he didn't want me to know. ):
Anyhow, it was fun watching your ever-so-animated face as we skype. There're so many reasons why I love you, this is one of those. (:
Continue to do your best in school. I miss you.
60 more days
Today flew by with me doing nothing and constantly waiting for EvilBaby to be done with class and whatnots. Irritating, the evil boy disappeared on me for three hours. Honestly pissed. But well, I guess I did the same so I shall not complain. If you're indirectly taking revenge, Baby, pls stop being evil, it is not funny at all.
I decided that I don't like it. Hate the idea of you being so far away. But I guess I can only take it all in and wait it out like constipation. Pfft! And the pig cheated me. He deleted his entire blog, or kept it in some secret place he didn't want me to know. ):
Anyhow, it was fun watching your ever-so-animated face as we skype. There're so many reasons why I love you, this is one of those. (:
Continue to do your best in school. I miss you.
60 more days
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